Chapter 4- Feeling Alive All Over Again

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Ashley's POV

Ten days after that, it was finally the day of the homecoming dance. I had my dress picked out- it was short and black, with a fuchsia stripe going diagonally across it. My shoes were simple black high heels, and I wore earrings and a bracelet that matched the fuchsia in the dress perfectly. On top of that, I no longer had to wear the knee brace.

Benji met me at the entrance of the school, and we walked towards the gym, where he offered to pay for my ticket. I obliged, but only under the condition that he would allow me to take him out for ice cream afterwards.

The dance itself really wasn't that much fun. The music was okay, but standing in a gymnasium filled with my sweaty peers wasn't exactly my cup of tea. I loved being with Benji, though, and that's why I had a good time. We danced for a minute, and then realized how stupid and boring dancing really is; so after that, we sat at a table for awhile and just talked. It felt right. I loved talked to Benji and getting to know him even more than I already had.

Finally, the dance ended. We walked to the ice cream shop, and after we had our ice cream (Benji had chocolate peanut butter; I had strawberry), we walked around in no particular direction, and eventually ended up in the park, where we walked on a path alongside the lake.

"Can I ask you a question?" Benji said.

"Sure." I responded.

"Okay. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?" Benji inquired.

"An Olympic gymnast. I wanted to win the gold medal in individual and team all-around, and the gold in every event." As we walked, I saw Benji turn his head and smile widely at me. "Does my answer surprise you?"

"Not really. Not at all, actually."

I smiled back, and we kept walking.

"What about you?" I asked.

"Well, if you asked me what I want to be now, I'd say a rock star, as lame as it is."

"Benji, that's totally not lame at all. But what about ten years ago? Ten years ago, what did you want to be when you grew up?"

"That's easy," he said. "I wanted to be in the NFL."

"The NFL?" I inquired, a tone of disbelief in my voice.

"Yeah. I wanted to play football." Benji told me with a grin.

"Football?"

"Yep." He nodded.

It was silent for awhile, and I noticed that Benji and I had started to walk closer to each other. We were so close that our hands brushed each other when we walked.

"Can I ask you a question?" Benji said to me.

"Sure."

"I know you'll never be back in training again, and I know it's kind of a hard topic. But if you could go back and change that moment when you hurt your knee- if you could somehow turn back time and do that over and not get hurt… would you?"

I sighed, and thought about it. Part of me wants nothing more than to be back in training, wishing I was asleep right now, since I'd have to wake up early to train. The other part of me is thinking that maybe, in some way, this injury was meant to happen; after all, this is the year I'm applying to colleges, and I suppose being at a real school is easier (and that would not have happened had I continued training). Had I not been injured, I would've competed in the Olympics, and I might have even won a gold medal. But I also wouldn't have come to La Plata High. I never would've met Benji. I wouldn't be taking AP Physics, and I probably wouldn't be applying to Stanford- most likely, I'd be homeschooling, and then taking a class or two at the local community college. I had always dreamed of going to the Olympics, but I wanted to go to college (full-time!), too. If I don't get in to Stanford, I'll probably wish I could go back and change something, but if I do- will I feel the same way? I don't know.

"I don't know," I admitted. "Ask me again at graduation."

After that, we kept walking, in silence. Eventually, we had walked around the entire perimeter of the lake, and we were back where we started.

Sometime after that, I felt Benji interlace his fingers with mine. I expected it to be weird holding hands with him- after all, we went to the homecoming dance as friends- but in a strange way, it wasn't. I had been having such a good time with Benji, even just talking. I never used to like just walking around and talking, but I liked doing it with Benji. It wasn't like he was the first guy I ever hung out with; I had dated various boys from nearby and rival gyms, as well as my own, and some of the "relationships" lasted a few months, but none of them made me feel the way Benji did. Things always fell apart after the "newness" of the relationship faded away and I realized I wasn't really attracted to them.

Walking along the lake with Benji didn't feel awkward, but I felt an unfamiliar fluttering sensation in my stomach. None of the other boys I had ever dated caused me to feel this, and I wasn't sure I minded it. It was kind of nice.

"Hey Ashley?" He said, breaking the silence.

"Yeah?"

"If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?"

"Right now?" I said. He nodded. "I think I would stay right here. This moment- just being with you, here, talking- is really perfect." I smiled at him, and when he smiled back, my heart skipped a beat.

"Benji?" I said to him.

"What?"

"If you could do something really crazy right now, what would you do?" My heart was beating again, this time so loud and fast that I was surprised he couldn't hear it.

"I think I would kiss you," he responded nonchalantly.

"I think I would kiss you, too," I added.

And then, all of a sudden, we stopped walking. Benji turned to face me, pulled me in close, and kissed me. I was somewhat surprised, but I let him kiss me, and I kissed back. Something about the way our bodies fit together in that moment just felt natural. The moment was so perfect, and it felt like it would last forever. Benji and I were only friends, but something about that kiss made me wonder if it would change, and if I wanted it to.

There were so many things I wanted to think about right then, but I couldn't. I was too lost in the moment.